When I Think About Cheating.

Today as I was laying in the grass of Annie Kellar School in Mount Greenwood, I lied down and listened to music while thinking. Really deep thinking. Then a song that very strongly relates to a current problem that has presented itself just over the past weekend had came on. It brought the topic back to mind, and once again I was troubled in my thoughts. A person had changed my entire life in just a matter of seconds. In a world of teenage gossip, when word goes around that, so and so had cheated on their significant other, it’s like top news and spreads faster than a wildfire.


Sitting at my grandparents house discussing the dinner party that had just ended a few hours before with my grandmother, I received a text. The text was asking if it was true if I cheated on my current boyfriend. I responded with a simple no, the truth. At that second, nothing was the same. I was being called a liar by a person who didn’t know. The only two people who knew exactly what happened the night of that horrid accusation were myself and the boy who was to blame. I was in a situation that had no right moves, I could never win. I deny the accusations because I cannot admit to something I haven’t done. I own up to my mistakes. I’m not someone who could hurt the one I love so carelessly and continue to due so by lying. I would rather be brutally honest than become the unbelievable. But I was to late. The notion of my being unfaithful had sunken into his head and was there to stay.


So what was my next move going to be? Do I sit here and wait for the one I love to accept that I was, just possibly, the only one who told the truth about that night? Or do I give up like I’ve done the rest of my life. Just throw my hands up and put my head down? Do I surrender to the rumors? Do I accept love in defeat?


I don’t quite know what my move is going to be, but for now, I plan on taking it day by day and attempting to fix all that was broken. I will try to pick up the pieces again, just as I have always done with him. Why? Because even though he may not believe it, he is my everything and I’m not quite ready to give that up.

Everybody Hurts

Today my boyfriend broke up with me. I know, it sounds like every teenage girls tragedy. However; for me I have an intense fear off being alone. So I've spent much of my time, tears, and thoughts on guys who always seemed to never be what I thought they were. They never proved themselves to be the one who fit me just perfectly. This one I allowed to get away with my bad decisions and flirtatious friends who just never got the point. I never thought I would lose him, I never wanted to. I loved him. I truly loved him. He was the one who fit perfectly. I lost him. My everything gone, just like every other guy, only hes stolen my heart and I'll never get it back. I've never allowed a guy to get into my head. I've always had a wall protecting me because I've been hurt so many times. I let him in though, and I got hurt. I've come so close to giving up, but I've always believed that if it was meant to be that he will be with me again. If it isn't, well then, I'll have to be alone. Without him, there is no happiness for me. The pain of always being alone can't even come close to the pain I'm feeling now. The fear, I'm over it. I have an even bigger worry now. The worry of never having the chance of being with him again. I lost another chance at love. That's the truth about forever folks. Forever is only in fairy tales.